I hate to admit that I don't read a lot, but honestly in the pandemic years, I've limited it to newspapers. That's in the past now thanks to the Justice Project and the genius of Audible. Since January I've read (and/or listened to) eleven books, all from the list on the Justice Project page. Here are the three that dart into my reveries frequently. 

Oprah-recommended, and NY Times #1 bestseller, Caste: The Origins of our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson, a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist is my current read. She brilliantly ties together historical writings and interviews to demonstrate how America functions under a caste system (of which some of us are sort of unaware) similar to India. Worse was learning Nazis used literature, case rulings and law from America, along with sponsoring American eugenicists to come over and teach them how to best set up the caste system they intended to (and did) put in place just prior to the start of the WWII. The Nazis admired America as the best example in the world of a caste system that also disenfranchised one level of the caste, and forbade interracial marriage - a goal the Nazis had in mind. It disturbs me to know the Nazis admired us for our caste system.

Heavy: An American Memoir by Kiese Laymon was an exquisite read by the author in his lyrical Mississippi accent. I loved it and understand why it was voted Best Book of 2018 by the NY Times and Audible (out of ALL the books written that year). 

President Obama picked Beautiful Country: A Memoir by Qian Julie Wang as his favorite book of 2021. Read by the author it was a compelling story of her life beginning in China, then migrating to the "beautiful country" (China's name for the US) where she arrived in New York City at the age of seven. Before leaving China, the author's mother showed her young daughter a book, with the mother's name embossed on the cover. She was a college professor and was proud to show her first published text book. In America the mother was consigned to sewing in a factory, cutting hair, and waitressing. 

A write up and links to these books and a host of other fabulous titles is located on the Justice Project page in our website. Please visit http://recamft.org/justice. Find out how you can get free Law & Ethics this year if you are one of the first 50 people to complete the Justice Project. 

I implore you to read up on RECAMFT's newest venture, the Justice Project, and join all of us in reading and discussion groups this year designed to deepen your education, knowledge and sensitivity to racial justice issues. Every book I read causes me to feel like my heart is expanding. This is literally one of the best things I've done in years.

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Prelicensed and Newly Licensed Members - you have until April 30th to apply for a Scholarship! Be sure to visit our scholarship page to learn more. 

The Programs Committee is calling for presentation applications to be submitted between April 1-30th, 2022. Please let interested parties know and find out more here. 

We also need a couple of people to help us review presentation applications. This is a lot of fun, choosing the next group of speakers for our colleagues to enjoy.  Can you help? Send your interest to therapy@recamft.org. 

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We need help with

• Programs
• Tech 1 - Listserv moderator
• Tech 2 - Social Media Manager
• Newsletter

Please send an email to therapy@recamft.org if you can help.         

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Check out all the following events!

• Prelicensed Walk and Talk NOW IN-PERSON!!

• Crafting Groups

• Ethics Roundtable

• Board Meetings (all members always welcome)

• The Justice Project Discussion groups, 2 CEs each

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Our listserv has over 300 members on it, and is active daily with great conversations, resources, offerings, in search of, books, movies, office rentals, jobs, internships, etc. You can view the home page of our listserv at 

• https://groups.io/g/recamft

The listserv has been especially valuable as a lifeline to each other during the pandemic. But there are currently over 150 members who are not taking advantage of this vital resource and membership benefit we offer. 

Other therapist organizations automatically enroll every member into their listservs. So at the April 8th, 2022 RECAMFT Board of Directors meeting, President Laura Strom brought up the topic of automatically registering all/new members to the listserv. This was approved by the Board of Directors. 

If you are not currently enrolled in the listserv, you soon will be. You have the option of setting up your account to be 

• Read individual emails
• Read a digest of 12 emails
• Or read online only

After you have been added to the listserv, you can change the way you receive the emails to any of the above choices. 

In Gmail the emails will appear under your Forums tab. To send an email to the listserv, simply address your email to 

• recamft@groups.io

If you do not want to be on our listserv, you can delete your account or write to therapy@recamft.org and ask to not be a part of the listserv. But we urge you to give it a try. You are missing out on a ton of meaningful collaboration with your colleagues. We hope you will enjoy being part of our online community! Coming soon.... 

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Have you written a book? 

Be sure to let us know so we can include it on our Library page. Email therapy@recamft.org. 

Find out more about advertising with RECAMFT here. 

On April 1st we had an interesting presentation by Molly Merson, LMFT, titled "Found At Sea: Depth Psychotherapy for Unfathomed Times."  Molly has a practice in Berkeley and is a Candidate at the Psychoanalytic Institute of Northern California.  As her title suggests, Molly gave us her view of how a psychoanalytic approach to therapy can be helpful to our patients (analytic term for clients), especially in these times of change and the increasing awareness of the embedded bias we may all be carrying.

Molly talked about psychoanalysis as "offering imaginative space, willingness to be vulnerable and providing evenly hovering attention," and that through this process "we can support our patients in addressing harm, increasing self reflection and action, and dreaming up new types of personal and social relationships each of us may need in navigating a changing climate and social fabric."  She went on to say "our practices are informed by the environments within which we and our patients are forced to contend with..... extractive and colonial practice inputs and formulates our view....we are not immune from this... (as therapists) we come from a position of humility....we take our narcissism down a notch and listen....we listen to whatever comes up in ourself as our unconscious process is metabolizing."  She explained that "we are not out to change people's minds to match our own but to recognize them with curiosity and support our patients into breathing some air into spaces that have been collapsed by social and familial messaging that leaves (them) feeling helpless and fragmented."

The RECAMFT Board of Directors (BOD) welcomed baby Sam to the April 8th meeting. Sam is CFO Kira Kayler's newest family addition. You can find the BOD meeting agendas and minutes in the Members Only section of our website.  

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Here's a picture of how we work with men to make a Plan of Action in our Stop the Violence Zoom groups. Currently accepting referrals.

Very often we find ourselves anticipating a potential stressful event in the near future where our feelings and emotions may get “tweaked”. When working with a new group of M.E.N. participants we’ll often ask the question, “By a show of hands, how many of you have blown it, lost your temper, yelled, called names, swore, hit something or someone, and when you calmed down said, “Gee, I sure am glad I handled it that way"? Generally, no hands raise.

In the M.E.N. work we advocate making a Plan of Action for situations when you know you are at risk for acting out. A good guideline is to ask yourself, “What actions will I take in order to be happy with myself?” A little planning can avoid damage to your relationship and weeks or months of personal regret and shame.

All of us find ourselves in the midst of confrontational situations at one time or the other. We picture ourselves in stressful situations where our defenses naturally kick in to protect us. Fight or flight is real. Our body sends adrenaline through us to kick in our survival instincts. We prepare ourselves for war, and in most of the cases, we don’t get what we want.

So what’s the alternative? We prepare ourselves for peace.

One M.E.N. collective member offered a personal example. I would use someone else for example, but that would be a waste of the good money I shelled out for several years of intense therapy in order to find out who I really was!

So here’s the rub. I’d help my mother prepare for the function. Now my mother’s pattern was to imagine every single thing that could possibly go wrong during the event and have a plan for it just in case it did. Each year I would say the same thing. “Mom, just don’t worry.” That’s when the fireworks started, of which most could be detected on the Richter Scale. Every year we had rousing fights. Tears were often involved.

As a member of a M.E.N. group I had learned a new skill; create a Plan of Action. I looked forward to the next event my family hosted so I could enact my new plan. When mom starts listing everything that could go wrong, I’d say “Okay, I’m going to Rancho Park.” This is the way the conversation took place when I put that plan into action. “What? You’re not going to tell me not to worry?” “Nope Mom, I can see why you would worry. I’m going to Rancho Park. Call if you need me to pick up anything for you.”

I left for Rancho Park. And ya know what? We never fought about worrying ever again. I prepared for the peace, not the war! The principle can be applied to all confrontations with just a bit of planning!

While this example is presented somewhat lightly, the message is serious and deals with reality. When you know you’re going into a possible hostile environment or a situation where you know you have a tendency to get triggered, have a plan that prepares for peace, not for war.

M.E.N. is currently offering their weekly Stop The Violence group on Zoom. The STV group covers 14 topics and men are encouraged to repeat the 14 weeks until they’ve integrated the new tools and skills. For more information call the Helpline at 707-528-2636. www.sonomacountymen.org     

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